I was with Katie for her first birth in 2015 and was so excited to hear she was pregnant again. The biggest compliment a client can give me is to hire me again! Here is the birth story of her second baby, Eliza, in her own words.

~Suzanne
​

​Around 12, Suzanne sets me up with the tens unit and I start to use that along with vocalization to cope. We alternate walking in the hall, leaning on the bed/ball, and sitting on the toilet. I like sitting on the toilet, but my legs keep falling asleep, so we try putting my feet up on stools which puts me in a squatting position. This continues to help effacement and I have more and more bloody show. My cervix is checked and I’m about 6-7 cm. I continue hall walking, sitting on the toilet, and leaning against the ball on the bed. At this point, the contractions are getting longer and intense and I’m really feeling the need for a rest. I have an emotional moment from exhaustion. I’m sure both Phil and Suzanne think I’m on the verge of asking for an epidural, but I don’t. We inquire again about the availability of the nitrous oxide and it’s rolled into my room shortly thereafter, around 2pm. Perfect timing as I am really needing that rest and the nitrous allows me to lie in bed and relax enough to cope with the contractions lying down, with a peanut ball between my legs to continue encouraging the baby to come down. The gas doesn’t take the pain away but gives me something to focus on and makes me feel less anxious as I come out of a contraction. The nitrous reaches to the toilet as well so I sit there for a while. Then I get on all fours on the bed and rest on the ball. I’m getting emotional from the pain and Suzanne encourages me to vocalize more aggressively. This goes on for several contractions and then Suzanne tells me to look behind me. I see the nurses setting up the baby station and she tells me they believe in me. It’s at this point I realize how far I have come and that I can do this. I get very emotional but knowing the end is in sight is encouraging. The doctor checks my cervix again around 4pm and I’m basically complete except for a little lip. We decide it’s time to break my water and baby is low enough that it’s safe to do so. Afterwards, they let me labor down a bit and then tell me I can start pushing. It’s about 4:50pm. The contractions are extremely intense at this point and fairly close together. I’m vocalizing very loudly and have the tens unit cranked up to high. I’m still using the nitrous but it’s not as helpful. I push for several contractions in a row, but I’m checked again and baby isn’t really moving down. We decide to let gravity help and the nurses attach the squat bar to the bed. I realize that the nitrous isn’t helping at this point and I need two hands for the squat bar (the nitrous mask can only be held by me) and to put all my energy and focus on pushing. I push for a couple contractions in the squat position. The contractions seem close together to me and I’m in such pain that it’s difficult to differentiate between contractions and rest periods. I get very emotional again and say I just need to rest. I just want it to be over and know the only way for it to be is to push hard. I push with all my might and can feel the head crowning. Realizing I’m so close, I just push as hard as I can. The attending doctor recognizes the risk of bad tearing and tells me to lie back so she can help minimize the damage. Phil kisses me and I can see how proud he is of me and how close we are to meeting our baby. A few more pushes and the team all gets very excited and tells me baby is about to come out. Another push and she’s out at 5:29pm. Instant pain relief and euphoria! They put her on my chest and I see she’s a girl before Phil even has a chance to announce it out loud. He excitedly announces what he knew all along and I’m shocked and so happy. She is crying and perfect in every way. Phil tells me to announce her name and I say Eliza immediately. No question. After a few minutes and a shot of pitocin, I deliver the placenta with another gentle push. Then the damage is assessed by the attending and resident. A bucket handle tear and a couple other tears require stitches. I’m given a shot of lidocaine but the 30 minute repair and subsequent belly massages are still incredibly painful. I just try to focus on my baby girl and once they are done I am able to relax enough to breastfeed. She latches fairly easily and nurses like a pro. I’m so happy and express my gratitude to my amazing birth team. I was so lucky to labor and deliver all within one shift and had the same awesome nurses and doctor from beginning to end. What an incredible experience. I am so very blessed. And still surprised that I ended up doing it without drugs/epidural! Hardest thing I have ever done in my life, marathon included.

Side note: Ironically, even without the epidural, I am unable to pee for several hours afterwards. The postpartum nurse makes me some special tea combination, encourages me to walk around, and threatens a bladder scan and catheter if I’m unable to pee by 10 pm. Luckily, the tea does the trick! I am now one week postpartum and haven’t experienced any complications, just the normal swelling.

CW: This guest post by a dear doula friend of mine is a fairly graphic story of life-threatening post-birth complications. While of course hard to read, these things are incredibly important, and everyone who has given birth or who is caring for a partner who has given birth, should know to be on the lookout for signs of complications. What happened to Megan was so rare that many people have never even heard of it. That's why I am sharing her story. Maybe having this information will help someone else in the future.

~ Suzanne

About Megan Carr of bFW Doulas

Who am I? Then, I was a newly married 21 year old first time mom, who worked in the corporate world, the residential title industry at the time, with little to non existent knowledge of anything that had to do with my body, much less how it grew a human and birthed it. Now, as a divorced mom of 4, thanks again OB for my uterus and my life, I live and work in the Dallas Fort Worth area of Texas as a professional labor and postpartum doula, childbirth educator, placenta encapsulation specialist and a breastfeeding educator, most importantly, an advocate for better postpartum education for all birthing families. When I’m not working, I enjoy time with my kids, which involves their love and my support of their travel sports, live music of varying genres, and trying to find the best salsa and queso in Texas. 
​

~Suzanne

Finally, it was time to go. We piled back into the car, braving the frigid cold. It was one of the coldest swells on record! A long (almost 1 hr) drive to the hospital later, we had arrived! Checked in and a hospital gown later, I was hooked up to all the machines. It turns out I WAS having contractions (didn't really know what I had been feeling all day). The midwife came in around 9:30 pm, placed the Cervadil and told us to get some sleep. 
 
Sleep was a laughable concept. Being 41 weeks pregnant I couldn't stay in one spot for longer than 45 minutes. However, I was hooked up to both contraction and heartbeat monitors, so every movement would move you around causing them to come in and re-adjust the monitors. I was up and down most of the night complete with frequent pee breaks.  
 
At 4 am I browsed Facebook, chatted with the random people who were up, certain that this medicine was doing nothing and that I was going to have gone the whole night without making any changes. At 5:15 am I updated my mommy group. The contractions I was silently having at the beginning of the night finally became a bit more noticeable, but were slow and nowhere near breath catching.  I wrote to my mamas … well I'm having some contractions but they are sporadic and not anything I would call someone about. 

By 6:30 am, the contractions had become more intense.  The nurse came in to move the monitors again, because I could not sit still and asked me what my pain level was at, to which I replied “5”.  She was surprised to hear this as I hadn’t been feeling really anything before. Our conversation woke up your dad. He took one look at my face and said “Oh they are really coming, aren’t they?”  (You could tell he just jumped right into protector mode.)  He hopped up and labored with me for a few minutes. I had planned not to wake Suzanne until 7 am, but by 6:45, I needed help, as breathing was just not enough coping. Our midwife had told us the night before that she was staying in the hospital and to ask for a check when we were ready, so we called the nurse’s station and asked. We talked about reaching out to my mom to let her know contractions had picked up, but we were unsure if we should wake her since we didn’t know what the outcome would be.  Well, we decided it was best to at least let her know things had picked up and that she should start heading over here.  We knew that she was going to take about an hour to get to the hospital, but considering it was rush hour traffic, we knew that it would be even longer. In the interim, I had gotten checked and was at only 3 cm and -2/1.5 station. Which to everyone meant we had some time before you were coming. 
 
At that point, I asked to be moved to the labor room with the tub in it. It was my plan to labor in the tub and cope with the pain with hydrotherapy. However, the contractions had really picked up, coming every 2 minutes with seemingly no break in between. Our midwife, Jess, coordinated the move and we picked up all our things and took the slow walk, it was about 50 feet. It felt like forever though; contracting as I was walking, I just kept telling myself, “Don’t stop- Just keep walking”.  We set up camp in the new room and I went to the yoga ball. Suzanne rubbed my back while your dad held my hands and I leaned into him. Suzanne suggested I used the bathroom, as it had been some time since I had gone. Begrudgingly, I stood up and went.  Suzanne had told me during our prenatal talks that an empty bladder helps the baby to descend as it frees up space. 

Well, let me tell you- Holy cow- my bladder must have been the only thing really keeping you back. Once I had gone, I remember getting this overwhelming bear down type feeling of just crazy pressure and movement. I kept telling myself, “You have to get up. You can’t stay here or you’ll have this baby on the toilet!”. All the while, I hear your dad, Suzanne and my midwife talking, and me thinking, “Just fill up the tub! I need relief!”. When I came out I practically collapsed onto the bed, the pain had gotten so intense.  It turns out, your heart rate had dropped a bit and they wanted to monitor you a bit longer before letting me in the tub. By this point, the contractions were beyond intense and I could barely catch my breath. Our midwife asked if she could check me again. In my mind I thought, this can go two ways: either I have progressed a lot and this was good, or I hadn’t progressed at all and was just having intense contractions. I agreed to the check because at that point, if I hadn’t progressed I was going to request pain relief. All I could imagine was a birth like your sister’s and feeling this intense pain for at least another 24 hours.  She checked me as I had my head buried in a pillow and was silent. No number, no indication.  “That’s it,” I thought, “I haven’t progressed. I need meds.” I finally hear her say, “How far away is her mom?” Your daddy ran out of the room to call Mimi.  What I later was told was that our midwife had checked me, popped her head up and held up 9 fingers- meaning you had progressed down and were almost ready to come out!   
 
Suzanne leaned into me and asked me “Do you want this to be over sooner, or do you want to try to wait for your mom?” I moaned back “I need it to feel better.  I can’t go on like this!” She then explained that my water bag was bulging and that the midwife could break it, which might provide me some relief, but would ultimately speed things up. I was torn, I wanted my mom to be there. It was how we both had pictured it for months.  Your dad came back and said Mimi was still 45 minutes away and that she understood she may miss it and for me to do what I needed. This was so helpful to hear, as I knew then she wouldn’t be mad at me for taking help when I could get it. 

Well, our midwife got the tool to break my water, but, lo and behold, with the mental barrier now gone, my water broke on its own.  “Great I’m peeing everywhere!” I thought. I was reassured it was just my water breaking and was given the go ahead to start pushing if I wanted. Well, regardless of whether I was told I could or not, my body took over. Pushing was the only thing I could do. There wasn’t time to think, time to process birthing positions, it was just PUSH. This is where Suzanne and your dad really shined, because they kept me focused, kept me on task and reminded me to take a break when they came. Because your heart rate kept dropping, I was given me oxygen mask. 

“Breathe deep for your baby” was all I kept hearing.  Suzanne leaned over and reassured me my hard work was paying off “She’s right there. I can see her.” Your heart rate must have made them worry, because they called in the neonatologist. All the while the room never felt panicked, though. Everyone was just matter of fact. Which was really helpful and such a stark contrast from the panicked yelling and rushed nature of Zoe’s birth. After some pushing, the neonatologist had arrived and suggested using the vacuum to help you come out faster. I was asked if this was okay, and agreed. Well, just like breaking my water, you wanted no one’s help and promptly decided that you were ready to come out. One more push and plop, out you came. Your dad said our midwife literally “caught” you as you came out fast and with energy. Our Riley "Roadrunner" born at 8:24 am, 7lbs 1oz, 18.5 inches.   
 
They plopped you on my chest and your dad and I were just in awe. I can’t believe you were here. Your dad was overjoyed. It was complete bliss.  After a quick check from the doc, he told me “she’s perfect- good job mom” which when I think about, still makes me tear up.  They wanted to weigh and measure you, but Suzanne politely suggested that I should hold you first, which I am eternally grateful for. I held you in your newness, fresh in this world and just could not believe you were here, finally. After all that waiting, all those aches and pains of pregnancy, every pizza bagel craving, you were here. The world can be a big, scary place, but you make it worth living in. I love you, Riley Eve. Welcome home. ​

My first baby (Liam’s big sister) was born in NYC after 46 hours of labor and an epidural.  Even though the outcome was great, I felt like the whole process of a hospital birth (timing the car transfer, waiting in triage, dealing with nurses I’d never met) had been more of a hindrance than a help.  I moved my family back home to Tacoma in 2015, and about a year later became pregnant with my second baby.  This time I did a lot of research on potential birth venues and ultimately opted for a Certified Nurse Midwife (CNM) assisted homebirth. Homebirth might sound scary, but I’m a facts and numbers person, and the best research I found indicated that for someone in my shoes (2nd baby, no complications) there was no increased risk of bad outcomes for the baby and a decreased risk of bad outcomes for me. So this seemed like the way to go. We found a great midwife, Dr. Shari Luchino, who understood our priorities: healthy baby first! 

The one piece I did not have to research was the doula. One of my oldest friends, Suzanne (we met in 1st grade), happens to be an amazing doula, so she got the job without an interview. ​Suzanne warned me that labor is different with a 2nd baby (i.e. not 46 hours long!). She was coming from her home in Everett, and asked me to keep her posted on early warning signs so she wouldn’t miss the birth. Suzanne was right – and we all should have followed her advice to heed the early signs. But we didn’t, and almost didn’t get that CNM/doula birth we’d planned!

My due date was Tuesday, January 17. I worked a full day on the Friday prior – trying to get as much done as possible before the baby came. I got home later than normal (7:30 p.m.) and noticed a few contractions that were hard to walk through. I texted Suzanne about 9 p.m. to let her know what was going on. “When did they start? Intensity?” she asked. I honestly couldn’t tell her – I’d been focused on work, dinner and getting the toddler to bed. I had a glass of wine and they settled down, so I went to bed.

I woke just before 4 a.m. and felt a little wetness leak out. I hustled to the bathroom to take stock, and then called out, “Derrick, I think my water just broke.” I phoned Dr. Luchino and texted Suzanne. There were no contractions yet, and I could feel the baby wiggling (a sign he was ok), so Dr. Luchino said I should rest while I could.

Labor was mild for the next hour – maybe five or six contractions in total. I got up on all fours when a contraction hit but mainly just rested in bed while Derrick slept next to me. A little after 5 a.m. I gave Suzanne an update and moved to our office in the attic so I wouldn’t disturb Derrick. I started by lying down on the twin bed in the attic, but eventually moved to a yoga ball. Derrick got up and moving a little after 6 a.m. He got in touch with our nanny, Lisa, and asked her to come at her usual weekday time (about 8 a.m.). Our daughter woke up around 6:30 a.m. and I was able to have a little visit with her, explain that her baby brother would be born soon, and reassure her that mommy would be ok. By 7 a.m. my labor was really starting to kick-in.

7:02 text to Suzanne: “Think you better head this way when you can. Contractions are much stronger and closer together. Hard to move without another one starting.” Suzanne said she was on the way.

7:09 text to Dr. Luchino: "Morning Shari. That was definitely my water leaking. There has been a lot more fluid and contractions started soon after we spoke. At first they were far apart (maybe 5-6 in the first hour) but much more intense and frequent now."

I followed up the text to Dr. Luchino with a phone call. She asked how far apart contractions were, but I didn’t know. Derrick was downstairs making biscuits and tending to our daughter, so neither of us was timing. I told her it was hard to find a break to call her. Another contraction hit while we were on the phone, and I had to stop and breathe through it. Dr. Luchino said she was on the way. Unfortunately this was the point that I learned she was coming from Seattle – not her condo in Tacoma.

7:39 text to Dr. Luchino: "Best to come to our house first if you can. Contractions aren’t letting up and at the very least we can check in. I think I may need you to stay, though!”

Our nanny, Lisa got to the house around 8 a.m. I remember hearing her voice and being very glad that our daughter would be able to leave as things started getting intense. I was at the point where just breathing was not enough to deal with the pain of each contraction, so I started making low pitched moaning noises, too.

Suzanne arrived at 8:22 a.m. Derrick was waiting at the door and was very happy to see her. She came straight to the top floor where I was laboring alone. I was turned towards the window and in the middle of a contraction, but she came in and immediately put her hands on my hips (pressing where I’d been pressing to provide counter pressure). She asked me if I wanted the bath and got Derrick started on filling the tub. She helped me through a few more contractions and then suggested a position change to hands and knees to get the baby past the tight spot in the pelvis.

After three more contractions like that Suzanne noticed that my sounds began to change. I admit I didn’t fully realize what was going on, but when Suzanne strongly suggested that we get downstairs it began to dawn on me that the baby was coming – now. I summoned all the strength I could and managed to crawl down the stairs (backwards on hands and knees). I tried sitting on the toilet, but it became clear that the only thing coming right now was the baby. So Suzanne got me into the tub. Derrick announced that the midwife was at the Tacoma Dome (about 10 minutes away) and I was told to tilt my chin to the ceiling and pant when contractions hit (trying to refrain from pushing). This bought us just enough time.

Dr. Luchino and her assistant, Amanda, arrived about 8:50 a.m. She checked the baby’s heart rate (130s – very good for that point of labor). Then another contraction hit and I finally got permission to push. I put my hands between my legs and said, “I can feel the baby’s head!” We sent Amanda to get Derrick since he was still downstairs putting chicken chili in the crock pot! Two contractions later, at 8:56 a.m. the baby was born. I guided him out and let Dr. Luchino bring him up to my chest. I was so surprised that he’d come so quickly and easily, and also very relieved.

Derrick called my parents and I heard him say, “That’s not our daughter crying.” We announced the baby’s name: Liam Dorsey Nunnally. The placenta came out without incident and I got cleaned up and settled comfortably in bed. The birth team all enjoyed Derrick’s biscuits. Suzanne stayed on after Dr. Luchino left and kept me company while Derrick ran out for burritos (crock pot chili wasn’t ready yet!). Soon the house was quiet again and I spent the afternoon lounging in bed and watching ships sail into the Port of Tacoma. Later that evening my mother arrived (she’d caught a mid-day ferry from Lopez Island) and Lisa brought our daughter back home. It was a happy reunion and felt like a great start to our life as a family of four.

​Monday afternoon is when I finally decided to get up to get this show on the road, making excuses to slow us from going to the hospital. Taking a longer shower, eating breakfast extra slow, and absolutely having to take our dog to the butcher and pick up her weekly meals. Anything that would help sooth my stress of going to the hospital.

Checking into triage the nurse set the tone (or what I had thought was going to be), telling me that I should have not waited at all to come in. Her belittling attitude had then turned me from stressed and sad to fucking angry. I was quite defensive for the next hour with everyone, feeling as if the rest of my nurses and midwives were going to coerce me into making changes because of my 60 hour post water break check in. Thankfully I was wrong. Once met with my care team and discussing my plans do’s and don’ts they were completely on my side and with sincerity.

I wanted a natural birth. I wanted to give birth in any position that was more natural for the body and less painful for delivering, anything that was not me on my back. I wanted to hold my baby as soon as she arrived. I wanted to sustain from cutting the cord until baby Jolene took in all of her blood from the placenta. I wanted my husband to cut the cord. I wanted to wait on giving her any vaccinations that day in the hospital. I wanted the care team to be respectful and considerate to my doula. I wanted to be the one in control of my labor and delivery period.

Once getting settled into my birthing room the suggestions of how to get the show on the road were few. Walking up and down the halls to increase contractions didn’t do as good of a job as they did earlier that weekend. Sitting on the yoga ball with my legs spread to help open up my hips, not helping either. The only thing left on our list to try was nipple stimulation. And to be honest, I am really not sure if it helped or if it was all a coincidence that my contractions were coming stronger at that point.

After a few hours, night had fallen and still no real progression. My midwife had then suggested Pitocin, which again, I did not want, but knew I had to. The 72 hour mark was close or already passed, (at this point I had lost all concept of time) and in the back of my mind I was still worried about infection. (Luckily this round of nurses and midwife accepted that I didn’t want to be checked until absolutely necessary, which kept me a little more at ease.)  She explained to me that they would start me out at the lowest level (one) and every 45 minutes check to see the progress if any and only bump it up if necessary. By this time it was late, I was able to sleep for a good part of the night and the Pitocin went up to 4 by the time I woke. Things finally started to happen, I thought to myself. My contractions became stronger and closer so this must be it!

Here it is Tuesday at 7 am and the next shift of nurses and midwife have come aboard. They weren’t as laid back as my last care team. The first thing I recall my nurse saying to me “You are at a 4 on Pitocin, I am bumping you up to 6. We are having this baby on my shift.” It is too early for this bull shit, I thought to myself, and I’m 100% sure my doula saw that expression on my face as well. I wanted to cry but more so ball my fists up and knock some teeth out. 6 it is, I guess. In no time my contractions were on point, coming hard and coming fast. Too fast, since the nurse came in and turned it down. I’m looking at her with an “I told you so” face. Next my new midwife comes in sounding upset that my cervix hasn’t been checked at all since being here and she demands it to happen. FINE. WHATEVER. GO.

Found out I was at a 5. ONLY A 5? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? All the sudden contractions are becoming uncomfortable. It hurts to lie down, so I will sit. Soon it hurts to sit, so I will stand. I can handle the contractions much better when standing anyways. Several hours of standing, becoming more exhausted by the minute, tail bone feeling like it’s about to break, constant lower back discomfort, I needed something to help ease this physical stress. A bath was suggested but laying down was no longer an option, so a shower. It was luke warm at best and I regretted the whole thing once I was in.

I remember at this point telling my husband that I’m too exhausted to keep going, this needs to end. Building up tears thinking this has been going on for FOUR days, why is it still happening? Can we pause and go home for a few hours to rest? I was done. As strong as I am, I hit a point where I wanted to give up. I was incredibly disappointed in myself for feeling this way. And to be honest I can’t recall the words he spoke to me but, it was his energy. It was his love and support I had felt when he put his hands on my back and shoulders that helped carry me for a few moments at a time.
  
That was it; give me an epidural, whatever we have to do to end this. I can no longer hang on. My doula reminding me its ok if I changed my mind but my birth plan was to go natural. She reminded me throughout my whole labor that the toughest part is not knowing when it will be time to push. The waiting, the unknown, she was right. Everything else I had been able to handle.

Check me! How far along am I? I want this to end, help me, please. I waddled back to my bed to lay on my back for a dilation check. At this point I gave up on lying down because it was intolerable. I couldn’t lie on my back, I made it as far as my left side and I heard the most glorious words “you are at a 10, time to push.” ARE YOU SERIOUS? HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN AT A TEN?!! The nurse wanted me on my back, just a slight roll and I would be there. I think I heard my doula say something along the lines “find what’s good for you. You didn’t want to be on your back.” These people are goddamn crazy if they think I’m leaving this position. LET’S PUSH ALREADY!!
​
I feel as if my five pushes were completed within 10 minutes, it was truly the quickest part of the process and the less painful. I do not think anyone in the room knew it was going to be as quick as it was. My husband even left after my fourth push to use the bathroom; he barely made it back into the room before I had my last contraction, the last push before I would be holding our daughter. It was amazing and beautiful to feel my daughter come through. First her head, next her shoulders and I could feel each arm as they passed, then narrowing out I felt her hips and legs. The next thing I know I am laughing, crying, relaxed and pumped all while being handed my sweet, precious, baby.

Finding out we were pregnant with Evie was as bittersweet and confusing as each of the four previous pregnancies I’d had. With only one live birth from those four, and one of the losses being twins, it was hard to just feel excited about those two pink lines. Once we made it through the first trimester, I began to relax and think about enjoying being pregnant. And then my “irritable uterus” joined the party. From 12w3d, I started contracting, on a regular basis (meaning every 5 or so minutes). 

These aren’t “real labor” contractions, they aren’t even Braxton Hicks--they are a special breed of torturous hell, which increases in frequency, intensity, pain, and annoyance as the uterus grows. I knew I was going to struggle through this pregnancy, but I did NOT know it would be as miserable as it was. 

To make this pregnancy even more exciting, my husband, who is a Naval Explosive Ordnance Disposal Officer (He’s a bomb guy), was to embark on a five-month training mission, all over the United States. Since we are currently stationed on the tiny island of Guam in the South Pacific, it meant he wouldn’t be around at all through my pregnancy, nor be close when Evie was born. We chose to “move” home to my parents' place and have the baby here in Washington State. At least then we’d be on the same continent! We then got word that his training schedule was being changed, and there was NO WAY he would be allowed to leave and miss any training and evaluation for Evie’s birth. We were both devastated, but also know that’s how this life is, so we went to plan B. Hiring a doula.

I knew I would need a support person who could help me do this, that knew what they were doing. I had experienced an awful, mismanaged, borderline malpractice delivery with our first in Guam at the Naval Hospital, and part of that experience was hating the epidural that I “had to have” to prevent my and my unborn child’s death *insert hindsight eye roll*. It numbed my legs, but not my back labor, which was caused by the sunny-side up baby. They didn’t seem to think his position mattered. They told me he was too big to come out, but let me push, ineffectively, for 4.5 hours, with him just moving further back station-wise.

After a spontaneous water-breaking, contractions starting on their own, a cervix that changed from 1cm-10cm in an HOUR, 21 hours had gone by with no baby. His heart rate was dropping too low, and mine was spiking too high, and they called in the emergency OB to come perform a c-section. When the OB came into the room, she took one look and asked why we were performing a c-section. The on-call family practice doctor repeated what he’d been telling me for hours: “He’s too big to come out -- he’s at least 10lbs.” The OB responded, “He’s not at ALL too big, he’s just sunny side up and can’t get into her pelvis”. She asked if she could reach in and turn him, to which I said yes, and she did. He was then pushed out in the next two pushes, during the next contraction. Thank God for OBs who know what they are doing!

But fast-forward to this pregnancy and delivery, which is now full of apprehension because of my last experience. I knew I wanted to skip an epidural just in case that contributed to my long labor last time, and if I was going to have an unmedicated birth, I definitely needed a doula. 

I was referred to Suzanne for doula services. I really didn’t know much about what a doula did; I just know I needed one. ;) After a phone “interview”, which really just felt like catching up with a close girlfriend, I knew she was the one for me. I was so at ease with her, completely comfortable, and trusted what she said. Of course the fact that she asked what I wanted from her, and genuinely listened to what I said were icing on this doula cake. I was EXCITED to go into labor and “nail it” with her help! 

I filled Suzanne in on my uterus situation, including the two surgeries it had undergone, one of which left perforations and scar tissue, so she knew we had a mess going on in there. She knew I contracted all the time, but also knew that I “knew” when “real labor” contractions happened with my first, so I’d “know” when to call her into action. I was confident that I’d know the difference between the irritable uterus contractions and labor.

Enter prodromal labor. As if the irritable uterus contractions weren’t bad enough … But let me rewind a bit first. After my 38 week check-up, my OB told me I was 3cm dilated and 50% effaced. Since I delivered our first at 38w5d, we all assumed this one would be early too. So when I started having what felt like “real labor” contractions, for 6 hours, which were getting closer in frequency, and increasing in intensity, I told Suzanne that this was it -- it’s FINALLY time to go have this baby and get relief! So imagine our surprise when we get to the hospital, get a cervical check, and are told that I am only 1cm dilated, and 50% effaced. How does the cervix go backward? And more importantly, how are my “LABOR” contractions NOT changing my cervix?! I was told to go do the infamous “hour-long walk”. I couldn’t believe it. I was disappointed, confused, and a little embarrassed, because I should have known better! I’m a second time mom! I’ve HAD labor contractions before! I KNOW the feeling! But I also didn’t know that prodromal labor was even a thing.

After more than an hour of walking, squatting, taking stairs two at a time in wide-foot stances, I went back for another check. Honestly, expecting to at least have dilated to 5cm by then. Nope. Nothing. This nurse’s check yielded “barely 1cm”. I was NOT in labor. Despite what the contractions on the monitor showed. Dejected, we left and went home. I think it’s fun to note that this was from about 2am-6am. No sleep for anyone! 

This “false labor” really shook me. Now, how will I really know I’m in labor? How much of Suzanne’s time am I going to waste? How many times will I be disappointed? Am I going to end up having a baby in my car because I waited too long because I wasn’t sure? All these questions that weren’t there before were now rolling around in my head. All the while, I was still contracting every 3 minutes, around the clock. Fun. I hadn’t slept in days, my morale was low, and I was devastated. I was utterly miserable. And then came the phone call that changed it all. My husband was able to take a couple, specific days off of work and fly up here, IF I was in labor.

Well, you can’t force a baby out on a specific day, right? Turns out, you can. I asked my OB at my next appointment if I was a candidate for induction, and gave her the reason. She had previously said I wasn’t, because my cervix wasn’t changing enough, which she feels is a sign that the baby and my body aren’t ready, and too often that leads to failed inductions which result in emergency c-sections. She did a cervix check, and was able to perform a sweep and stretch, all the way to 4cm! I was SURE I’d go into labor that night, but in the event that I didn’t, she offered to schedule an induction on Saturday, May 7th, at 7am. My husband could get in that Friday night, and stay a few days, so it was perfect! Except the whole being induced thing. I was pretty scared. I knew that for me, pitocin meant an epidural was on the table, and that terrified me. But I also knew that I had Suzanne as my secret weapon for when things got crazy during labor. 

After a slight delay on induction day, I received the call to come in to start my induction at 1pm. Suzanne met us at the hospital and we began the journey. I was hooked up to IV pitocin, and was prepped to have my water broken 30 minutes later. But when my OB came in, she decided to have me wait a bit long to get Evie more well applied to my cervix before breaking my water. So we walked the halls, bounced on the birthing ball, danced around to my eclectic labor music choice, and just enjoyed the calm before the storm. Suzanne and my husband took turns holding my IV pole while we walked and catering to my needs. I could get used to this!

Shortly after that, I was still at 4cm, so we upped the pitocin and broke my water to see if that would get things going. Sure enough, it did. My experience with contractions went from, “Ok, these suck, but I can handle it”, to “I think I might actually die” in a very short amount of time. With each contraction, I felt myself panicking inside more and more. 

The ball didn’t help anymore. The warm bath, which I thought would be an ace in the hole, didn’t help. Walking didn’t help. Standing, sitting, laying, ANYTHING didn’t help! At that point, I knew I needed pain management other than what I was doing. I tried two doses of IV pain medication first, and neither worked. I knew I wanted an epidural, and finally made the call for it. 

​Waiting for the anesthesiologist gave me a slight mental break, knowing there was hope for an end in sight to the growing panic I was feeling with each contraction, that grew more and more out of my pain threshold. Unfortunately, even after the epidural was placed, I felt no relief. The contractions got worse and worse, and I could barely breathe through them.

I remember being so lost in pain and panic, yet I could still hear a voice coaching me on what to do. Through the mental chaos, I heard things like, “Ok, now just slow your breathing a little bit”, “Good, good”, “Just relax those fingers now”, and I was able to cling to and follow those instructions until the contraction started to wane off and I felt relief. That voice was Suzanne. I vaguely remember a hot pack being applied to my back, and it feeling soooooo good, but I didn’t think about where it came from. It was Suzanne. She just knew what I needed, when I needed it, without me having to think of it or ask. 

I had told Suzanne at our first prenatal appointment that making noise during labor was stressful to me. I didn’t want to hear it from other women, and I didn’t want to make any noise myself. Making noise makes me feel self-conscious, and I didn’t want to be focused on THAT while trying to manage through a contraction. She suggested that she would make a noise, and I could imitate it, or if I made a noise, she would make the same one, and be a little louder. She gave the analogy that we’d be like a choir, versus me singing a solo. It was perfect. It was just what I needed.

When contractions started to make me feel out of control, I heard Suzanne making noises that I remembered to copy, without fear or insecurity, and it provided relief! And as we were waiting for the second attempt at an epidural to be placed and provide relief, I needed her. I wouldn’t have made it through without her. 

After a very fast transition to 10cm from being stuck at 4cm dilated for hours, it was time to push! I was instantly afraid and didn’t want to do it. I had pushed for 4.5 fruitless hours with our firstborn, and I was so afraid it would happen again. I decided not pushing would be better — ha. Suzanne suggested that we do a “practice push”, just to “see what happens when I pushed”, without starting the push clock. It was the perfect idea! It allowed me to test my ability, without fear of negative consequences. Apparently my first push was successful, as it moved our baby right where she needed to be. It was a huge confidence booster, and I was ready get her all the way out! Delivery got a tad scary as baby’s heart rate dropped with pushing, so we had to push every other contraction.

From Suzanne ~ Helping Jasmine was, in my opinion, nothing much. I offered her some information and asked if she wanted suggestions or support. I've been through lots of prodromal labor myself, and even wrote a blog post on it!

She is a friend and I'd do what I did for her for any friend really. I appreciate what she wrote here, but I did want to clarify one thing. Jasmine is a deeply religious person and knowing that about her, I spoke to her heart in the way I knew would make the biggest impression on her. In doula work, I've learned to see what would be the best way to help someone, and then I meet them where they are at. The way I supported Jasmine may look very different from the way I'd help another mother.

PS: Take a peek at Jasmine's beautiful birth 

​I have no idea where to start describing how wonderful and amazing Suzanne was throughout my pregnancy! From the beginning, Suzanne and I share a friendship I hold dear to my heart. I live in Texas, and she is in Washington State. We've grown to know each other through a Facebook moms' group. Even with this distance, I trust the advice Suzanne provides. She is always courteous and respectful of other's opinions. Before giving advice, she will ask if you want advice or just an ear to vent to. More importantly, she never judges. I appreciate these qualities.

Before getting to know Suzanne through the moms' group, I NEVER thought I could get through a natural, unmedicated birth. I have a very low pain tolerance, and I surely didn't think I could birth a child naturally. Though, unknown to Suzanne, her stories and advice encouraged me that I indeed could birth a child naturally. I became empowered by her belief in how natural and beautiful child birth is, and more importantly, birthing without fear. As a matter of fact, birthing without fear became one of my birth affirmations. I also learned a lot about birth interventions and breastfeeding from her conversations. However, the one thing I kept in mind over others from Suzanne is that how I birth is my choice and however I choose to birth is ok, that being getting an epi, a C-section, at home, or in the hospital. Suzanne encouraged me to be unapologetically comfortable in my choices. This comfort and determination is pivotal for any woman in any situation!

Hence, when I became pregnant with my second child, I wanted Suzanne as my doula. Though, due to the distance, it was not possible. Still, she did not let that stop her in providing support. Suzanne checked in with me consistently, just as if she was a doula 30 minutes away. I had prodromal labor that started at least a month before I delivered. It was overwhelming and exhausting. Suzanne not only explained what prodromal labor was, provided literature on it, advised techniques to cope with the pain and change baby's position, but also UNDERSTOOD what I was going through. She knew how easy is it to give up at that point and want an induction or go into the hospital too early leading to unwanted interventions. She knew my birthing goals and reminded me of them. When I was at my wits end, days from going into actual labor, and considering induction techniques, I reached out for advice. Suzanne told me to rely on my faith, pray about it, and listen for God's voice in the matter. She did not tell me what to do. She spoke to my heart. She reminded me of my purpose.

The night my labor was starting to kick into gear, Suzanne knew without me saying anything. She noticed I was up incrementally throughout the night. She reached out to me to check in on me throughout that night. She encouraged me through contractions from hundreds of miles away via text. The advise she gave was also effective in helping to cope or ease the pain. I am forever grateful for her company on that night. 

Not only was she consistent in showing how much she cared about me and my little one, but she was also accurate in the advice she gave. Without Suzanne's kind, listening ear, I do not think I would have achieved the birth I desired. She was an instrumental part of my birth experience, and that was only through an online presence. I truly wish she would have been able to be at my birth. I can only imagine how supportive she would have been in person.

All that to say, I highly recommend Suzanne and Waiting with You. She has truly personified the name of her business.

It was pretty awesome to get to work with Anne, because although we had never met before she interviewed with me, it turns out that her baby and my children are third cousins once removed. Pretty crazy huh?

Here is the story of her homebirth in her own words.

~ Suzanne

Despite so much evidence supporting women having better results when pushing in gravity positive positions, many hospitals and care providers are incredibly attached to the classic "turtle on its back" position where the woman's legs are in stirrups or supported by other people, and she pulls back on them herself and curls around her baby while laying in a bed. 

This position is fabulous for the care team but so incredibly exhausting for the mother. She is literally pushing uphill. There is no way to get her tailbone out of the way due to it being flush against the bed. Babies are born this way every day, but with a lot of coaching and yelling and counting to ten and purple pushing which is where the mother holds her breath and pushes so long and hard that her face turns purple. 

Lamaze International advocates pushing in an upright position to let gravity help you move your baby down and I fully agree. Asking for a squat bar at a hospital should be so that you can get up and squat! Not so that you can tie a sheet to it and pull while you're still laying down with your feet braced on it like stirrups. 

Often times, I will see nurses tell a mother she can push how she wants, and then after one or two contractions, say "now let's try it this way" and put her into the turtle position. It is what they are most familiar with and its what is easiest for the careprovider to access the vagina and assess the baby's progress. 

As much as I would like to shout, "This isn't working so well, let her get up!" unfortunately that is beyond my scope and would get me kicked out of the birthing room. Moms have to advocate for themselves, by saying, "No, I do not want to give birth laying on my back!" and they have to really mean it. I have also seen a nurse bring a mom who did manage to say that a single pillow, wedge it under one of her hips and say, "There, now you're on your side."

Side-lying is a great gravity neutral position for an exhausted mom who has been laboring for a long time and needs a break, but it is not the best place to start out. Pushing really does work best in an upright stand or squat.

However, a really important piece here is that it does not work to just angle the hospital bed up a bit more if the mother's legs are still out in front of her. By moving to this sitting style pushing position, the mother has changed the shape of her body to an L and has to push that baby around a sharp corner. This is not ideal, although its a great way to slow down a baby who is coming too fast for comfort. 

The best position has the mother's body in a straight line, with feet and legs below the pelvis (knees bent in a squat is great) like this | and if that isn't possible, it is better to be completely flat _ than L shaped. Hands and knees can also help a stuck baby, as it gets the tailbone up and out of the way and allows the mom to squat down into the push if she chooses. A disadvantage to the hands and knees position is that it is a lot of work to maintain and some mothers report feeling more disconnected from what is going on and the progress of the baby. It wouldn't work well for a mother who opted to use a mirror to view her baby's birth, for example. 

Women can and do have upright pushing take place in a hospital setting, but it is something that they need to be crystal clear is very important to them. The most common situation I have come across is that a mother is laboring as she chooses and feels comfortable and starts to feel pushy. A nurse or doctor tells her that she must be checked in order to begin officially pushing. For the check, she is told to lay down in the bed on her back, and then as soon as it is confirmed that she is complete, she is then given instructions on how to pull back her legs and begin to push. It's seamless really, and many moms never say, "No, I am going to push upright."

For some births, it doesn't matter and the baby makes good progress and comes fairly quickly anyway. But for many women, having the extra room and gravity's help could make all the difference in the world. 

More information on the science of why pushing upright can be so helpful can be found here: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1948091/

Many people who are on the fence about hiring a doula often worry that a doula will usurp the role of the father/partner.

However, this fear is incredibly unfounded. It is true that occasionally dads are fearful of the process and need a lot of space and breaks, making the hiring of a doula essential to ensure the mother receives the support she needs. But in most cases, the dad wants to help and wants to be involved, but just isn't sure what to do or how to do it.

As a trained birth professional, it is my job to know when the mom needs to hear specific encouragement, such as, "Yes, this is absolutely normal. Your body is shaking due to the hormones of labor, it's from working very hard and it happens to nearly everyone. Nothing is wrong, no you aren't going into shock" and when she just needs strength and love. The former is best provided by me, and the latter is absolutely best provided by her partner. My favorite moment in a birth when the dad steps up and tells the mama how absolutely beautiful and strong she is and how much he loves her. 

At that point, I might also be involved, providing physical support like massage or counter-pressure, but sometimes I just step back to give them space. If the dad is looking to comfort her physically, I can take a quick moment to show him where and how his strength might be best applied, but often it's not worth interrupting their connection. 

I find that birth is an ebb and flow of energy and this is absolutely true for the partner and doula as well. One of the very best aspects about having a doula at your birth is the ability to trade off with support roles so that eating, using the restroom and power-napping can take place as needed without abandoning the birthing mama. I have supported a few military families during deployment and let me tell you, I do this for a living and those births left me completely exhausted. A father providing sole support for his partner while he himself has so many emotions to process at the same time sounds very challenging.

A metaphor that often speaks to guys is that if your team was going to the superbowl, but had never even played football before, would you also bring a coach who had never coached before? Or would you try to find someone with a lot of knowledge to help you learn what you needed to know?

Giving birth is the hardest work a woman will ever do and it is my job to help make sure that both partners are emotionally present and grounded when they welcome their babies into the world. Sometimes I take a lead role, and sometimes I step back and just bask in the amazing process that is birth.